Shades Of Grey
by Hartabound
Summary: LexLana. Lex reflects on what it means to be a little more abstract than the saintly Clark Kent.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Shades of Grey

Author: Hartsbound

Spoilers: S4/5

Disclaimer: No infringement is intended, no profit is made.

Notes: I've always hated that tunnel-vision Clark Kent suffers from, it's always annoyed me about him, seeing things in terms of good and evil, black and white. That's why for me Lex Luthor has always made Smallville, he's a lot more abstract, hence the title of the story.

Feedback: All and any remarks are welcome.

**Shades of Grey**

He had always welcomed the darkness; in moments passed he had craved its safety, its absoluteness. It was the constant friend, the companion who allowed one to hide as much from themselves as everyone else.

But lately he had learned to become fearful under its influence, though the mysteries of the shadows of the night still seduced him; the darkness seemed to have taken on a life of its own. It was a living entity almost, a being with stretching, probing tendrils that had inspired something further in him of late, a new sensation, one equal to falling into a pit, a dark hole with steep sides, and every time he fell the hole got deeper until he got to the point where he thought he couldn't see the light and find the strength to climb out.

And this new sensation that had him at once fearing and confused? Guilt… he felt guilty. Lex Luthor felt…guilty. He was stood watching the firelight, it was the only source of light in the room and it cast familiar shadows across his face. The Luthors didn't feel guilty; his father had long taught him that. The end always justified the means…always. Whether it was a ruthless take over of another multi-million dollar company, or…winning the heart of the only woman he had ever loved.

His interest in Lana Lang had initially always been in lieu of his best friend Clark Kent, whatever Clark was, however noble and honourable, he was nonetheless a dolt and painfully shy when it came to women and when it came to Lana Lang in particular. He had worked so hard to push them together, but somehow the fool had always managed to screw it up. Had always managed to leave her broken hearted, his insistence on keeping his secrets and lying to her saw to that.

Lex believed he could almost pin point exactly when and where he had realised Lana meant so much more to him than just the object of Clark's affections. It was after she had returned from Paris, she had come to see him straight away and as Lex looked at her he suddenly realised he was catching his breath, Lana was beautiful! He hadn't reasoned on how much he would miss her, losing Clark's friendship after his father's trial had meant those old feelings of bitterness and isolation had returned, consequently when she had turned up at his door and embraced him in that all enveloping manner solely hers, the world, his world seemed at peace again.

But she hadn't returned alone, Jason Teague had followed her. And Lex Luthor, the brooding billionaire, the man with just about everything in the world was jealous, insanely, maddeningly and frighteningly jealous of the new man in Lana Lang's world. She hadn't broadcast their relationship, he was the high school football coach and she was still at high school, but he knew, Lex knew. He could see it, and he had seen it in the way Jason had sat looking down at her in the hospital, he had looked at her in the way Lex hoped he might be able to one day.

His jealousy had pushed him to do the only thing he could, Jason Teague was fired. Clark had asked him for the reasons behind his interference but Lex hadn't replied, it certainly wasn't because he was taking the moral high ground as Clark had suggested, Lex doubted he had enough morals not to render him dizzy if he ever got that high. No, he was tired of pushing Lana towards Clark, and tired of seeing her with someone else. He had finally realised he loved Lana Lang, and she would be his. But he had confessed for some reason, even now he couldn't fathom his reasoning behind that, but he had told Lana of the part he had played in Jason's dismissal, and consequently he had lost her.

And then there had been that mess with the stones, and she seemed further from him than ever. Even as he had avowed to protect her from Jason and then his own father, somehow he had managed to drive her yet further from himself. She thought him selfish and deceitful, and yes he had been all of those things and more, but not with her, certainly not when he had held her, comforted her and told her he would take care of her. He was sincere, then and now. But she had found her way back to Clark and he was forced to smile and be pleased for them. The façade was not difficult, as a Luthor he had long learned to hide his sentiments, to disguise his hand, what the world knew would always be what was on the surface.

Then why the guilt? Had they remained friends Lex would have been, if not pleased at least resigned to the fact that Clark had finally gotten the girl. But that friendship had fallen apart, and with an added tinge of bitterness Lex had set his plans in motion.

He had sworn Lana would be his, and had taken the Luthor mantra to heart; 'the end always justifies the means'. The means had involved subtly undermining his once best friend, Clark; and securing Lana's partnership with regards to the spaceship. They worked closely on that project and slowly Lana began to trust him again. It only served to assure him that Lana Lang was exactly the girl for him, the only girl for him. He still had sweet remembrances of that dream, in which it seemed all his prayers had been answered and he was married to her. They were the very picture of connubial felicity, with a beautiful son and a child on the way, the vision, kindly supplied by his mother had had an ethereal, luminous quality, marred only by the bitter and tragic ending. He had turned away from it then, it hurt too much, it would cost too much to see the woman he loved die. Consequently he had played dirty in the election run and he had still lost.

But Lana then was what she had always been, the comfort, the assured sense in his life. Her presence when he had suffered the indignity of losing the state election to Jonathan Kent was invaluable.

And that had been the first time he had kissed her, she had claimed to have had her last fight with Clark, and Lex had been drunk, but sober enough to know what he wanted. But she had pushed him away, confused and embarrassed. But Lex's mind was made up, he could not go a lifetime without tasting those sweet lips again, and the next time he was determined to make sure she would kiss him back.

So Lex had undermined Clark's loyalty, and planned further seeds of doubt in her mind regarding his honesty, and then Lex had even gone as far as to contract the services of Simone. She had played her part perfectly, hypnotising Clark and driving a wedge between him and Lana. But Lex had certainly not counted on the farm-boy telling Lana he no longer loved her, and breaking her heart in the process. Seeing Lana so broken and wretched brought on the first twinges of guilt for Lex, he could not have anticipated his plan working so well, and the taste of success had shown itself to not be at all sweet. Her current despair was all due to him, and she in her loneliness had turned to that loathsome serum. So far down was she that she had consented to being killed and brought back to life in order to catch a few glimpses with parents who had long been dead.

He had comforted her then, as was always the case, telling her gently that they both had to learn to let go of the past and look to the future. The guilt however, refused to leave him alone, Lex was convinced he had all but killed whatever was left of poor, misused Lana Lang.

But she had a way of surprising him, continually surprising and inspiring him in turns. When he saw Lana again, she was back to her usual self, cheerful, warm and infinitely wonderful. She seemed determined to leave the past behind, and threw herself wholeheartedly into solving the mystery that was Milton Fine.

It was strange, now as he looked back at the day's events, how indebted he was to Chloe Sullivan of all people. Her journalistic tendencies to interfere in other people's lives had led to a talk between Lana and himself, they had both tried to deny any hint of a romance but…

'_Your friendship is very important to me Lex; I don't want any misunderstanding to get in the way of that.'_

_He had assured her there was no misunderstanding; they were on the same page, friends, close friends and nothing more. He had walked over to the fireplace, and she had followed him, laughing slightly at the absurdity of their discussion._

'_Talk is nothing but a bunch of noise, as long as we both feel the same way…'_

_And then it happened, it was the way she had said, 'That's all that matters…' She felt it too, he knew. He caught his breath, and turned to face her. She looked directly up at him, frightened but anticipating._

_He leaned in to kiss her, and closed his eyes awaiting the eager sweetness of her lips brushing against his. It was the lightest of touches and she pulled away almost immediately, leaving them both disappointed._

_He could not disguise the hurt tone in his voice, as she turned away from him, 'It's just something that happened…' He wanted to say so much more. But she refused to look at him. When at last he despaired of her ever say anything, she turned back to him suddenly and placing her hands on either side of his face, pulled herself up to kiss him again. It was more than a brush this time; it was a thorough exploration of skin, hands, lips and tongues. The passion and intensity rendered him smilingly breathless, and before he could pull her yet closer, she broke away and ran out of the room._

And now he was stood in front of the fireplace, trying to fathom the depth of this guilt. It came in swathes now, and slowly he had come to realise why. When she had kissed him, Lex knew just how much and how far he loved her, but looking into Lana Lang's eyes, it suddenly dawned on him, that God help her she was falling in love with him as well.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N Sorry it took me so long to update just wanted to see how the series ended. Now I do, I guess we'll all be having fun with Zod…_

**Part 2**

'_There's nothing believable in being honest,_

_So cover your lies up with another promise…'_

Lana had always loved the sound of rain; it was a constant in her world that seemed to be forever about loss. The rain could be counted on; it fell from the sky, a thorough drenching to cleanse what little soul one had left. The heavy pitter patter of it as it hit her windscreen was one such constant against the continuing change that was her relationship with Lex Luthor.

Even as she stood in his driveway now, looking over the bonnet of her SUV, she knew he was standing in front of that fireplace of his admiring the shadows. She was being drenched by the rains but her soul was filling to the brim with Lex Luthor. How could this happen, she thought, they were friends, close friends nothing more…surely? But the way she had kissed him, and the way he had kissed her…God the way he had kissed her….

Quite subconsciously she found herself running her finger across her lips, softly, remembering the feel of his lips pressed tightly against hers, his warm breath passing into her mouth, those teeth nipping gently at her lips asking for entry and gladly being granted it. That tongue wrapping and dancing effortlessly with hers…before she knew what was happening Lana felt familiar warmth in the pit of her stomach and travelling down.

She sighed deeply; she had to go back to him, right now, whilst he was still stood in front of that fire.

* * *

She opened the study door with something approaching apprehension and fear, and as she stood there dripping forgot it all as he turned around smiling at her. He tilted his head to one slightly and smiled sympathetically. She returned his smile somewhat apprehensively, somehow always knowing how and where this would end up. 

'I've been sat in the car for the past half hour, and then stood in the rain for another half..,'

He turned back to the fire and his drink. 'I know…' he replied quietly.

'Lex…why can't I leave…?' She barely whispered the words, but he heard them clearly. He shook his head, 'I don't know Lana, but…,' seeming as apprehensive as she was, he turned towards her once more, '…I know I don't want you to.'

His softly spoken words brought home a belated realisation for Lana, not the gentle cleansing of a cold rain, but with the force of a tidal wave. Lex Luthor was her constant. Never mind the changes in their relationship; he was the one who was there despite her fears of being abandoned by those closest to her, the one who always consoled, the soothing balm for what lately seemed her constant aching heart.

But the step they were about to take could change all of that, if she put her fears aside and gave herself to him, what of the consequences if it all went wrong. Surely then it would be too painful for them both for him to remain her constant. Could she risk losing the best friend she had ever had?

And then all thoughts and all doubts were stilled, as he strode across the room purposefully and took the risk for her. He smiled at her gently, and somewhat nervously reached up entangling his fingers in her wet hair. The sensation sent a thrill through them both, she quivered at his touch.

'Lex…your friendship, it means the world to me.' She could barely get the words out; his face was so close to hers, his lips so achingly close.

'Lana…you're the only truth I've ever known, the best thing in my life, do you really think I would risk all of that if I didn't think, if I didn't need you so much…?' His gentle words, so full of fear and longing broke and mended her heart all at once.

She shook her head slightly and smiled, before reaching up and passing a caressing touch over his face, pressed her lips gently but firmly over his. The kiss at first soft became increasingly passionate as both his hands found their way over her hips and across her back, holding her yet closer. She wrapped her arms about his neck, not willing to let go, afraid of letting go.

She broke the kiss reluctantly; he searched her eyes for some sort of indication of what should happen next. He knew exactly what he wanted but he had to be sure of her feelings. The warmth in her gaze gave him all the assurance he needed. Taking her by the hand he led her to the leather settee in front of the fire.

Settling her down on it he eased himself next to her, and chose in that moment simply to hold her close. She pressed her head to his chest, and found his heartbeat as erratic as hers. It comforted her to know that he was just as nervous; she sighed deeply and wrapped her arms tighter around his waist.

He broke away from her and looking down at her intently, smiled and gently pushed a few strands of wet hair from her face. 'I know you're scared Lana, but you should know, I would never do anything to hurt you, not if I could ever help it. But you know I need you to say it…'

She understood, of course she did, she knew exactly what he wanted her to say, but he was right, she was scared. So she chose to feign ignorance, 'Say what…?'

Lex seemed hurt by her reluctance, and she wished in that moment that she could take back the words and that she wasn't such a damn coward.

'You know, you must know…' he whispered gently into her ear. 'Just say it…'

Her voice quivered, 'You're right I am scared, I wish I didn't care what they think. But I do. Lex…' She placed a hand on his face tenderly, 'I've lived in this town all my life, what are they going to say? The town princess and…and…'

'The town Pariah, the devil himself…' He finished the sentence for her. 'Isn't that what you wanted to say?'

'God no…! Lex…' She kissed him suddenly and passionately, he groaned against her lips when she broke away from the touch for a deep breath. She clasped his face in her hands and began bestowing gentle butterfly kisses along his jaw and down his neck. She brought her lips close to his ear and whispered, 'Lex, I'm so used to Smallville taking care of me, these people acting as my makeshift guardians. I'm tired of being their little princess, their public tragedy. I just don't want them thinking that you're another thing, something else I need to be rescued from.'

She kissed him passionately once more, this time pressing her forehead firmly against his as she pulled away from his lips, 'I don't want to be rescued anymore, no more poor little lost girl, no more saving me…not even by you.'

'I've done that…?'

She nodded. 'Yes, but as always Lex Luthor, you did it with class!' She smiled widely. And he had to concede she was right, even he had developed the complex, the need to continually appear her knight in shining armour. He had struggled against it, never wishing to appear stifling, even sending her to Paris to allow her that freedom she so craved. Even when at times the sensation of missing her company had been heartrending.

'Ok..,' he replied, 'but Lana I don't think you have to worry about my rescuing _you_ anymore, I think it's going to be very much the other way round.' He kissed her again before adding cryptically, 'there are too many black holes.'

Lana didn't understand his last remark, but she caught the look of contentment in his eyes, the hope filled embrace in which he held her and she was hopelessly lost. She kissed him back then with a sort reckless abandon that she had never known.

The passion and ardour increased and her wandering hands found their way to his shirt buttons. Soon the bottom half of his shirt was undone and she slipped a hand underneath. Her cool touch caused his muscles to flinch; he suddenly drew back and grabbed her wrist tightly.

She looked up at him confused, 'What…what's wrong?'

'Lana,' he replied huskily, 'I don't think you know how much..., the depth of these feelings for you. If you start down that path, I'm sorry but I don't think I'll be able to stop…'

She slipped her hand back underneath his shirt, 'I _know_ I wouldn't want you to stop.'

'Are you sure…?' Lex hesitated for only the moment it took for her to nod her agreement. He kissed her hard then, his lips bruising, crushingly pressed against hers. And then he was pushing her down on the settee and she was letting him, encouraging him.

But he had to know she was sure, he had to hear her say it. 'The sky won't fall down Lana, just say it.'

'And if it does fall down?' She asked him, her eyes brimmed with gentle tears. He brushed them away with his thumb.

'If it does, I'll still be here, I'll always be here.' He kissed her gently, 'say it…what is it you want?'

She found her voice and her strength at last, 'I want _you_ Lex Luthor…, I love _you_.' And that was all he needed.

He soon discarded both their clothes and made sure she knew just how much he wanted her and how much he loved her.

A few hours later as they cuddled under a blanket, he looked intently at her as she slowly shut her eyes and drifted off to sleep. He held her yet tighter.

He was suddenly reminded of a song he had recently heard, it seemed to fit their situation so perfectly, even though he had hated the words at first and had gotten up and left as soon as it had finished. It was in The Talon as he watched her quietly from the back, as had become his habit. She had been sat at a table, talking and laughing with Clark, they were still a couple then, and rather than interrupt them he had been content to just sit and watch.

Even as Clark was his friend, even then he had wished that the hand she held so tightly, and the lips she kissed ever so sweetly were his own. And then that song had come on, those first lines, that had spoken so true.

'_Some say love is not for sinners, _

_I believe that isn't true, _

_because when I was finished sinning, _

_love came down and showed me you…'_

Well he hadn't finished sinning, not by a long way but she had come to him all the same and here in her arms he fought for it, and believed in her heart he may have just found his absolution.


End file.
